Im at strip club and am horny
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
