There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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