i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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