I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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