My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
high people should be assigned attendants
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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