I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
