She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
