We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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