I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
