im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
