He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
