Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
operation harelip BJ is a go
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
