I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize