just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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