Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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