This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This baby is an asshole
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
