No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
