just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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