WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
