3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
