The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
