what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
