We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
