super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
