If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
