I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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