sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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