just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
