i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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