It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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