your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
