I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
tell me about the eggs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
