I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
