I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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