Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
