I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this will be a night to untag.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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