Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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