My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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