There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
