Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
