Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
