Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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