Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can I color on your dick again?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
