I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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