Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
