Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
