I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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