You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
