i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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