No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
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I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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