I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
