I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
