so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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