Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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