Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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