12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
