After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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