official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
