its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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