The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
try to milk me bitch
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
