i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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