I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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