I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
