I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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