My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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