If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
