3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
