another moral hangover. fuck.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
