my shit smells like andre
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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