I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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