i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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