so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
