im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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