So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
