i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
