I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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