we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
