yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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