Already got asked if we're dating
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
