I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
