think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
